What does honesty look like when you are writing for strangers?
Where does truth lie? In the concept or the moral of the story. Or in the absolute accurate portrayal of events exactly as they occurred.
Saturday, September 6 2025
What does honesty look like when you are writing for strangers?
A long time ago, I wrote letters to friends and family, mostly about daily events, as a way to keep in touch. Now we write emails to friends and family, although even that doesn’t happen so much anymore. There is the quick post on Facebook that is a stand-in for other types of written communication, that lets the reader know – I’m still out here (but with a rosy glow and pretty photo of a tiny snippet of life). Really, there is very little longform writing happening anywhere in daily life anymore. Unless you are on Substack.
Now most of my writing is for strangers and I find there is real freedom in that. With only a few exceptions all my subscribers and followers have never met me. I’ve only shared with a few friends and family members what I’m up to on Substack. I like the freedom of not having to consider the reactions of the people I live closest to.
This allows me, I think, to be more ‘honest’; to spend less time worrying about the possible consequences of my thoughts or ideas. I can talk about things purely from my own perspective. I can tell my stories in my own way, as there is no one else who could contradict me. I can share, to some degree, what is really on and in my heart, because I have the protection of partial anonymity.
But am I really being ‘honest’ when the purpose of the writing is to craft a certain narrative, or drive home a particular point, or to conclude with a line that will make my reader smile? Is it really honesty, if there is nothing or no one who will hold me accountable for the story I tell?
Over the last week or so, there has been a lot of discussion about memoir, memoir writers, and particularly very successful (and prolific) memoir writers. And dabbling in memoir myself, I am filled with questions about what is honesty? What is the purpose of honesty in memoir? What is the purpose of memoir?
My dad is a great storyteller, and we always say (joking, but not joking) that dad never lets the truth get in the way of a good story.
I have a similar commitment to a good story, which, in my defense, I would say means that I may shave off the edges, burnish the bright spots, and push slightly deeper into the darkness. But is that dishonesty? Or is that good storytelling?
And where does truth lie? In the concept or the moral of the story. Or in the absolute accurate portrayal of events exactly as they occurred.
Honestly (there’s that word again), I can’t promise an accurate portrayal of any event, exactly as it occurred, because my memory is shot1 and I simply can’t remember things. But I know my heart and my soul. And I know the lessons that life has taught me. And I carry the marks and the rewards to prove it.
So that's the ‘honesty’ I can promise. The truth in my soul, and hopefully a compelling story.
I’m blaming midlife — take from that statement what you will