Thank you for your kind words. I am so happy that you found in my writing the encouragement and permission to self-indulge. Yes, writing is self-indulgent. But so is everything else. If I enjoy cooking, it becomes a self-indulgence, even if I actually cook for others. And if I serve others, but enjoy doing it, it also becomes a self-indulgence.
Your piano practice story resonated deeply with me. Years ago, I also played piano as an act of self-indulgence, but it was also a guilty secret pleasure. I was a very busy wife, mother, and professional and didn't have a spare minute for myself, so this was my only me time and I made an effort to hide it from everyone in order to protect it. I would come back home during my lunch break, when my husband and daughter were at work and school, and I would play for an hour, going through the music pieces I had played as a young girl. It was a wonderful experience mastering these pieces, learning new ones, and remembering my love for music. It made me happy, and I grew addicted to this secret me time. One day, as I played, the door of the room opened, and my mother-in-law and father-in-law walked in. Turned out they had arrived earlier for the dinner we had invited them to (they had a key), and while resting in the guest room, they enjoyed my piano concert. I was embarrassed - my guilty secret had been discovered. But they were so genuinely happy; their eyes shone with tears. They were simple country people who had never spent money on art or concerts. For them, my impromptu piano concert was an incredible privilege to have been treated with a beautiful art experience. Since that day, they would regularly ask me to play for them whenever they visited. So, it turned out that my most guilty self-indulgence served someone else's needs.
This is why I don't believe that anything is self-indulgent. Whatever we do, it always serves someone other than us. Because we are social creatures and we exist through our relationships with the world. Whenever we do something that's good for us, it makes the world a better place.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You reminded me of a forgotten passion I once had that I migth revive again.
That’s interesting about self-indulgence. I sometimes feel guilty when I write about myself. What I have learned from a decade of blogging and then writing infrequently on Substack that the world is full of people with similar problems, triumphs and interests as I have. Memoir writing or writing about oneself is just another means of connecting with the tribe.
I too am feeling self indulgent, 53 and retirement ready. Every time I think not yet, I also think why not. I’m 30000 words into my memoir and it is absolutely 💯 accurate that it is therapy!
Wonderful piece and I can fully relate. Even 5 years now after my early retirement from the UN and having published the first prose book last year (non-fiction, family historical memoir), I sometimes catch myself thinking that it is a bit much that I can now choose to do what I want, when I want. Especially as I see many others stressing and running around....Maybe we need to radically review the concept of self-indulgence and reframe it as self-justice or self-attention. As only when we follow our deepest wishes do we do justice to ourselves and give to our inner self the attention it truly deserves. Then we are in the best position to reflect something unique on the world. So I am now writing book nr. 2 and also publishing on Substack. Hope to read more of you and enjoy the piano! As a child and adolescent I learned the piano too, although I did not have it in me to become a pianist.
Great post. Thanks for the mention. For me, writing here on Sunstack (part travel narrative, part cultural analysis, part memoir) has been an interesting exercise in noting and evaluating what catches my attention, triggers a memory, stirs something in my soul. Examining what I write in response has become a growth indicator for me--hopefully leading to growth for others, as well. 💜
Thank you for your kind words. I am so happy that you found in my writing the encouragement and permission to self-indulge. Yes, writing is self-indulgent. But so is everything else. If I enjoy cooking, it becomes a self-indulgence, even if I actually cook for others. And if I serve others, but enjoy doing it, it also becomes a self-indulgence.
Your piano practice story resonated deeply with me. Years ago, I also played piano as an act of self-indulgence, but it was also a guilty secret pleasure. I was a very busy wife, mother, and professional and didn't have a spare minute for myself, so this was my only me time and I made an effort to hide it from everyone in order to protect it. I would come back home during my lunch break, when my husband and daughter were at work and school, and I would play for an hour, going through the music pieces I had played as a young girl. It was a wonderful experience mastering these pieces, learning new ones, and remembering my love for music. It made me happy, and I grew addicted to this secret me time. One day, as I played, the door of the room opened, and my mother-in-law and father-in-law walked in. Turned out they had arrived earlier for the dinner we had invited them to (they had a key), and while resting in the guest room, they enjoyed my piano concert. I was embarrassed - my guilty secret had been discovered. But they were so genuinely happy; their eyes shone with tears. They were simple country people who had never spent money on art or concerts. For them, my impromptu piano concert was an incredible privilege to have been treated with a beautiful art experience. Since that day, they would regularly ask me to play for them whenever they visited. So, it turned out that my most guilty self-indulgence served someone else's needs.
This is why I don't believe that anything is self-indulgent. Whatever we do, it always serves someone other than us. Because we are social creatures and we exist through our relationships with the world. Whenever we do something that's good for us, it makes the world a better place.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You reminded me of a forgotten passion I once had that I migth revive again.
This is such a beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I’m very pleased we have found each other on substack. I suspect we have a lot in common.
That’s interesting about self-indulgence. I sometimes feel guilty when I write about myself. What I have learned from a decade of blogging and then writing infrequently on Substack that the world is full of people with similar problems, triumphs and interests as I have. Memoir writing or writing about oneself is just another means of connecting with the tribe.
I agree. I’ve gained so much from reading other’s work, and feel truly blessed when others gain some insight, encouragement, or validation from mine.
JL, thank you so much for including me here. I really appreciate it.
Grateful to be in conversation with you. 🙌🥰
You are very welcome.
I too am feeling self indulgent, 53 and retirement ready. Every time I think not yet, I also think why not. I’m 30000 words into my memoir and it is absolutely 💯 accurate that it is therapy!
There is no rush. You will retire when the time is right. You’ll know.
I love to hear how much progress you are making on your memoir. It is the best therapy!
Wonderful piece and I can fully relate. Even 5 years now after my early retirement from the UN and having published the first prose book last year (non-fiction, family historical memoir), I sometimes catch myself thinking that it is a bit much that I can now choose to do what I want, when I want. Especially as I see many others stressing and running around....Maybe we need to radically review the concept of self-indulgence and reframe it as self-justice or self-attention. As only when we follow our deepest wishes do we do justice to ourselves and give to our inner self the attention it truly deserves. Then we are in the best position to reflect something unique on the world. So I am now writing book nr. 2 and also publishing on Substack. Hope to read more of you and enjoy the piano! As a child and adolescent I learned the piano too, although I did not have it in me to become a pianist.
Self-justice. Or self-attention. I really love that framing. I’m going to think about that some more.
Welcome to Jumble of Sea Glass! I’m so glad you are here.
Thank you!
Thank you for the kind comment :)
You are most welcome. Your journey always speaks to me. Thank you for sharing.
Great post. Thanks for the mention. For me, writing here on Sunstack (part travel narrative, part cultural analysis, part memoir) has been an interesting exercise in noting and evaluating what catches my attention, triggers a memory, stirs something in my soul. Examining what I write in response has become a growth indicator for me--hopefully leading to growth for others, as well. 💜
I agree completely. You are welcome.